They say not to "disrespect" her but how can I respect her when she doesn't deserve it half the time. I am so sick of it. Why don't I have a great relationship with my mother? It couldn't be because she's barely here or the fact that she drinks. I would have understood if she had work but no. After so many years of not having a job she is forced to have one now. Why? Because she doesn't have child support or her father to help her. It's so freaking sad, she's a fifty something year old woman having to rely on her children because she can't stay in a job for over a year. I'm surprised she's kept this job. It's so frustrating, how she belittles My sisters and me. She has absolutely no room to talk.
NONE!
I am at my breaking point with her. She goes to work, comes home and gets drunk. And people wonder why I don't like alcohol. Sure I'll drink but I will not drink to get drunk. I will NEVER get drunk again. I hate the feeling and I hate how it affects people. I'm sorry but that's my views and I am sticking to them. Back to the subject at hand.
How on Earth can I respect this woman. Sure she's done good things but when the good is out weighed by the bad? She scares my friends, makes people angry and is just a miserable person. I just.....I don't know what to do. I don't hate her but honestly I can't stand her. Yeah she's my mother but what do you do when the one who is suppose to care the most probably barely cares at all? She always belittles me, always says hurtful things to me and she knows it hurts. I hate it. Sometimes I just want to run away but I have no where to run to and I can't do that to Gabe. I can't take him out of a home and into the streets. If I were by myself I'd already be gone but I've got my son and I can't do that to him.
But I am so fed up with living with her. I know I need a job, my license and a freaking car. I'm TRYING! But I need help, and no one wants to help me. I've got little to no help so how in the word am I going to get the things I need. Some people get it without help but at bad costs. I don't want to sink to a bad level. I don't want to be like my mother who gets help all the time but I don't want to sink to rock bottom. I'm already near it. *Sigh* I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so emotionally unstable it's not funny. I hope something good comes my way, for Gabe's sake.
