Where do I even start? This blog is going to be about my mother. I love that woman to death but sometimes I just want to...I don't even know. She is so irritatingly frustrating sometimes. Especially when she's drunk. Don't even get me started on that.
Let's just say she's an alcoholic.
Ever since I was a child that's all I really remember of her. Going out to bars, to friends house's or simply staying home. Everywhere she went she had alcohol. I mean I'll vouch that she doesn't drink as much as she used to but now, when she does drink, she drinks so much that she loses like 10 IQ points. She acts like an immature child. I kid you not she does. It's sad, it really is. To have to grow up around that. Luckily I can defend myself but back when I was smaller she'd abuse us. Not to the point where it left physical marks but it definitely left mental marks.
To this day I can still remember all the times she hit me or my sister. To this day I can recall all the times she came home and yelled and screamed at us for no good reason....okay, I lied she had a fairly good reason but that's beside the point. We were kids, so of course our rooms would be messy, but come on, she once broke a wooden spoon over my sister's rump(nicer choice of words I guess). Any who, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sick of it. Ever since she couldn't physically hit us she's made it seem like she's the victim. That "no one cares for her" and all that crap. Are you kidding me?!
You're a 50-something nearly sixty year old woman and you're playing that card?? HA! If we didn't care we wouldn't be around. If we didn't care you couldn't reduce us to tears every time you pulled this stunt. I mean one day we might end up "not caring". Why, because of the little games you play.
Recently she's been seeing her ex boyfriend(my parents are divorced, have been since I was three) and you might think "oh well that's not bad" well let me tell you. This man used to abuse her. That's right, this man used to hit my mom, get into fights with her and all that crap. He used to just drop us off somewhere and leave us there to find our own ride. He sent my mother to the freaking hospital once. Would you go back to someone like that?? I don't think so! She swears up and down that he's changed and maybe he has but that doesn't excuse the past. He put trauma on this family and I for one will not be so easily swayed by this "transformation".
I probably shouldn't be putting some of this stuff up here but what can I do? A journal can only help so much and if I could get feedback from a person who is in a somewhat similar situation that'd be perfect. I don't want to end up like her. Already I had a child at a young age(whom I love so very much) not to mention it was with a deadbeat loser who's addicted to sex and pregnant woman(that story will have to be another day). But I feel a pattern and I am going to try my best to break it.
*sigh* well that about does it for tonight, I'm gonna watch Priest(plus my hand is cramping) Good night everyone.
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